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Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!
-o-
Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math?
Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?
Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.
-o-
Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.
-o-
Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano: Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano: Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!
-o-
Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: San ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; "British tourist lost 2000 pounds."
-o-
MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator): Name?
Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Cor grinski Papakovitz.
MMDA: Ahhh okay...(sabay tago ticket)...Next time be careful, ok?
-o-
Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard...
Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind, highly alert, insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?
Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko na lang ang mag-apply?
-o-
Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.
But....when HE cancels a date......
he HAS TWO.
-o-
Pasyente: Magkano ang facelift?
Doktora: Complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente: Mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata?
Doktora: Heto tsupon, P20 lang!!
-o-
Customer: Waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? Ilan ba ang cook nyo dito?
Waiter: Ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito...Pipse lang po!!
-o-
Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi ako...
Doktor ... so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.
-o-
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, "are they your babies?"
Man: "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!"
-o-
A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
"I'M THE SON OF THE VICTIM."
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people...a pig bumped by a trailer truck!
-o-
Reporter" Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag congressman ka na?
Manny: Ano'ng bill? Yung tomotonog pagkatapos ng bawa't round sa bukseng?
-o-
Lola: Amang, wala akong pera!
Holdaper" Alam ko kung asan ang pera mo...[sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni Lola]
Lola: Ituloy mo iho, may dollars pa sa ibaba!!
-o-
Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot. When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: "300 pesos for 5 words."
She said: "Pwede ba 2 words lang? `Tanoy dead'."
Ad taker: "No mam. 5 words is the minimum."
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: "Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo, "TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE "
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oks lng..para d mabigat...
